I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
