my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
