I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
