you told grandpa to call you daddy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
