Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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