no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize