I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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