You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
