My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
false alarm, still single
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
