Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
