I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
