I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
