R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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