my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
