were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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