can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
