Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
