All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You need a sexual gate keeper
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
