Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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