I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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