omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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