I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
