I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
