New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
