I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
