You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
