This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
