Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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