i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He better not be in your backpack
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
