told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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