omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
