watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
