Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
