it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
