I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
