youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
third nipple confirmed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
