Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
