I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
