I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
