Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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