I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
