Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
