i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
