Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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