Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize