Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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