Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
