another moral hangover. fuck.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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