they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
