I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
