I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
