While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
