I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
