At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
