Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
