My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
