Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk is a universal language darling
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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