I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
