please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
