dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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