i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
