TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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