Will you blow on my dice?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
