things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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