the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
