She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
