You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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