I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
